Music of the Heart

As I prepare for my trip to the spirit of the islands, my days are filled with writing on facebook; including updates, posting on my wall, Shayla's wall and The Quartz Heart Travelling Pebble Movement event page. I read my daily meditations in the book, "Healing After Loss," by Martha Whitmore Hickman, which I highly recommend. Each page contains powerful quotes, meaningful passages and a dose of reality in dealing with the loss of someone you love. After, I sort through photographs; images suspended in time...savouring the moments where the sun always seemed to glisten. My focus is fleeting and soon I am sitting on the floor of my office, persusing through the pages of Shayla's many journals. Like a mother whose discovered her daughter's secret diary, I will take with me all of her buried secrets, her own doubts of this imperfect world and lock them away in the corners of my fractured heart. Today, was defined by all of these things, but much more lent its way into my soul, by means of music. We all have had moments, where we suddenly turn on the radio and a song that wrenches us back to that particular time in our lives, comes in waves of a tapestry of lyrics. For Shayla, music to her was like wildflowers are to the wind; planting seeds along the way in order to grow. She listened to Elvis, The Beach boys, and Patsy Kline. Shayla could listen to rap, then switch to classical and then over to country faster than you could say, musical chairs. I remember last year, I received a call from an ectastic Shayla who told me that she had went to the University Pub and saw her childhood favourite, Fred Penner, perform. My daughter was thrilled to tell me that she met him and spoke to Mr. Penner. Then she told me how to her delight, he accepted a rock that she gave him. I am smiling now just thinking of this union that took place and how a 21 year old young lady, was still such a child at heart. As I rushed around today, I turned on my stereo to hear Timberland sing , "Babygirl." Then as I pulled up to Value Village, I saw a busker performing. In all of the years living here, I have never seen a busker at this store. As I got out of my vehicle, I could hear the lyrics of Del Shannon, " Well where oh were could my baby be, The lord took her away from me, She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good, So I can see my baby when I leave this world." I was taken aback, but carried on. Then at the hairdressers today, I was sitting in the chair and speaking about Shayla, when suddenly one of her favourite songs came on. Cyndi Lauper's high pitched voice belted out 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.' This made me and the hairdresser actually laugh and it felt so right to be able to do so. The evening was the same, with the sounds of music that reflected my daughter. As I prepare to depart early Wednesday morning, I had a poignant realization that she is there with me, in the space of my thoughts and the beating of my heart. My beautiful angel has awakened the thriving free spirit in me and I find grace in its simplicty. I will travel knowing that Jesus is at the wheel, God is beside me and Shayla is holding my hand.