This week I have felt 'trapped' in a bubble, where Life is not letting me escape the sorrow of not being able to share with you in No. 22 of your birthday year): As I tumble aimlessly in this sphere of grief, the memories of past celebrations bombard my exposed , vulnerable heart <3 What do you mean there will be NO cake?? Why can't I wrap the presents I had already for you before Christmas? I am denied the joy of writing a 'book' full of words into some glittery card that really is meant for a little girl, but I always kept you in the corners of my mind, like that. How come I must refold the Birthday banner and shove it into an old cardboard box? Why am I even keeping it? The tiny sparkling pieces of confetti seem lost. They are searching for that envelope to be tucked into, springing forth to delight and annoy the card holder- YOU!! Since your death, I have pushed myself through the motions of holidays that will NEVER be the same. Yet, the one single day, defined by your phenomenal arrival into this world- February 24th- is wrecking havoc as I search for some reasonable acceptance that you and I have been cheated on...Death took your life, yet I chose to Celebrate your existence. Its like an invisible tug of war and yet by continuing to honour YOU, I feel I am somehow 'winning.' As I prepare for Maui tomnorrow, I Know you are coming along with me...in the beautiful notion of treausuring your life and all of the brilliant memories we made together. Each planned activity I do for you babygirl and I have something exceptional planned on your 22nd Birthday that Nothing can take away! I Love You Shoobie Woop woop do woop!! Love You to the Moon and Back! Always, Mummy XOXOXOXOX
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