The Beauty of Circumstance

I awoke today as if a steamroller had come across me in the night, mistaking me for pavement and rolled over my weary soul; without any empathy of my broken heart. I was suppose to attend an evening Luau, complete with a feast and traditional dance that would have seen my toes immersed in the grains of sand. The sting of the Maui sun still on my skin, drew me to want to engage in this seaside celebration. Yet, life has other plans, as if being set into a tick-tock of emotional upheavel that sees me completely drained of feeling. There was not a bit of my fragmented soul in this majestic beach side event that postponed until tomorrow, I found myself lingering by the poolside. I reconnected with Lorne and Lori, a wonderful couple from Edmonton, Alberta. Turns out while they were enjoying Lori's birthday, it was a bittersweet day as it was also the 1 year anniversary of the death of Lorne's best friend of 30 years. We spoke of their own three grown children and also of Shayla's incredible legacy. After many tears and two hours, I moved onto the jacuzzi, where I met a lovely couple from Kentucky and another from Manitoba. Each couple had 5 children and one of them had almost 15 grandchildren! Again, I felt 'cheated,' as if somehow if I could , I would go back and reclaim a life I will never know. To think of Shayla as a loving mother is to send a thousand splinters of pain directed straight to my heart. I will Never know what it is like to hold a grandchild in my loving arms, I won't see my daughter pick out that exquisite wedding dress and I won't see her in a vision of motherhood, that she was destined for! As I drift away, thinking of the sunshine dancing within her hair, I see my babygirl on the coastline of beauty ...running with my fragile heart <3