Yesterday, the overflow of emotional torrents, ruptured at the surface of my weary soul. My fatigued body summoned up what little strength it had left and somehow, I managed to make it, working through my grief. Before departure, I poured a coffee and as I reached for a few packets of sugar, I noticed there were brilliant quotes on them by Noah benShea. The packets had a website address: http://www.sugarforthesoul.com/ One of my favourites by Noah, which I read stated:" Taking small steps can be a big leap forward." Another packet by Noah said: " Time is an orchard; every moment is ripe with opportunity." On board the Pride of Maui, I was able to share with many others, the beautiful legacy of Shayla and her imprints on this world. I met a mother of five, Natasha-also from Vancouver, who came up to me to assist with the removal of my wetsuit. I was in some discomfort, as the day before due to my 12 mile beach walk, I was sunburned. We spoke and as I told her about Shayla's 22nd Birthday and my purpose in Maui, she then tenderly explained that it too was her birthday. Later, it was announced that another person also shared in February 24 and as they sang Happy Birthday, I wanted to hurl myself over the side into the ocean. Instead, I sang along and said Shayla's name, subdued by the throngs of people chiming in unison. I felt deeply betrayed at that simple moment of acknowledging others deserving of their happiness, I was robbed of mine. One in the water, I felt overpowered by the waves, as I was thrashed about, sea sickness overcame me. I reached out for a hand; wishing somehow that Shayla's fingers that once fit snugly into mine, would tenderly grab hold. It took alot of focus to remove from my wetsuit, the two pebbles from Shayla's collection. I watched as each one found its new found home amongst the colourful coral. These tiny fragments of rock would never be seen by anyone else and yet they signified so much to me! Back on board, I had to ask for a ginger drink to calm my upset nerves. The boat itself was not causing the problem, as I found out later in our second place to snorkel, it was in me that I was repelling the ocean. Once on board again, I was speaking to a lady, who reminded me so much of my daughter. Her name was Sheila Dawn Shaw and she was a hairdresser from Toronto, on a honeymoon with her husband, Jonathan. Her vibrant hair and outspoken attitude, made me smile. As we departed, a song called, "Seaside", by a UK band- The Kooks, came on the speakers. I began to cry, as The Kooks was a British band introduced to Shayla via Paul ( my boyfriend from England). Last December, The Kooks came to Vancouver and Shayla wanted to go to the concert with Paul, which never happened. Of all songs to play, it was as if through all of the 'coincidences' that were occurring, they were really more moments of comfort that I was struggling with. Later on our next stop, I was able to swim with a sea turtle, who turned at me, as if to say...``Don`t fight what is before you.`` On board the Pride of Maui, whenever I felt tears started to well up, someone would point out to the sea, in front of us and I was witness to a magnificent sight. It is whale season here and the many pods of humpbacks with their calves, is an extraordinary vision! These beautiful mammals of royalty jumped upwards to the heavens, splashed down into the open ocean. As their tales gracefully turned, they dove deep into the tropical waters. It was in these sacred moments, I did not capture a single image with my camera. Instead, I opened my heart to the graces of nature and breathed all of its glory into my delicate frame. Once on land, I felt grounded again and set out to do my tributes to Shayla. The day before, I had walked miles to find a special spot, where I wanted to place shells, pebbles and special mementos of my babygirl. Now, I had hoped no one would be there and luckily, I had the spot to myself. Upon the sun setting, I took a large rock and smoothed out a cross in the sand, under a canopy of two towering trees. I placed the shells I had brought with me- some of Shayla's, the others were from my personal collection. I spelled her name in the array of seashells. I then made a cross out of candle holders and placed it beside them. I put her cancer bear that she has had for many years- she has lost 3 family members to this terrible disease. At the top corner of the cross, I set out funny nose glasses that she wore in Seattle. The symbolism behind them was at her Celebration of Life, people were encouraged to take a pair, from the basket I had placed out. They are also a touching reminder of Shayla's sense of humour and boisterous laughter! The photographs I am posting of this cross signifies how under a veil of darkness, my faith led me to be able to accomplish all of this. For I was able to do this tribute in complete darkness! The pictures were lightened up as I had the flash on my camera. It took many photos to be able to even properly achieve this task, as I bumped around in the blackness of night, the waves of the ocean crashing near me! Indeed, I was scared as I could not see and did not know what or who was around me, but that is how I feel in the light. Unaware of the uncertainty that I am surrounded by. Yet, this leap of Faith, saw me create a vision of my love to my daughter, Shayla on her 22nd Birthday. The last, finishing touch was her Prayer-Memorial Card that was placed under a large rock, beside her cross. I have no idea if it will ever be read, but I wanted whoever did come across my beautiful display, to know who Shayla was. Later, as I returned back to the hotel, I went out and took more pictures of all things reflective of my Angel-girl. The rose quartz heart in these photos belongs to Shayla-who was given it by a lady, who owned a store in White Rock, BC. She spoke of Shayla`s colourful spirit and kind heart. It was found in her purse, which was with her after she had passed.
-It is my hope that whoever reads this will be aware that as I stood alone in the darkness, under a canopy of trees, I spoke to my daughter and told her, `The healing is slowly starting to begin...as I hear the Angels sing.`
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